what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
