My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
