Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
