Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
