Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
