I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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