you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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