Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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