my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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