A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
did you just send me my own nude
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm always down for nudity.
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