My friends, they love my intelligence
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
