my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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