sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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