Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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