Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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