either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
