FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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