Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
