All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
