Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
