We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
