Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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