he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
