Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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