I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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