If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
