Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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