i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
