Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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