Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
