life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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