She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
