Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
