she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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