Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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