I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
