the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
