just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
