Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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