Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
