Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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