im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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