I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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