is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
