i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
