He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Come on in and take your pants off
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