You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
