i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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