I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
And then my night got REAL pukey
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
