You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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