Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
