So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
