cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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