ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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