my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
