I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
