i think my tv is drunk
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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