I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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