Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
