Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
