Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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