like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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