I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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