does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
