Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
