Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(571): View more from Virginia

I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.

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(207): View more from Maine

I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.

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(314): View more from Missouri

When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers

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