Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
