Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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