In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
