apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
if only i could text you this smell
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
