I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
